Wednesday, 21 May 2014

about me...

When I had Alex,my son 16 years ago, I was 37.. I ended up getting seriously ill.I caught a virus..A coxshantie virus, which gave me an enlarged heart and post partum cardiomyopathy.This happened through having a caesariun, and after having pre eclampsia...
I almost died,as only 20% of my heart was working.Thankfully I responded positively to the medication, and antibiotics, which was given intravenously to me through a drip,something which has wiped out my immune system.I was in hospital from April until the end of July and only saw my dear little baby son for an hour a day when I was just about well enough to be coping with seeing him. Consequentially I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress,and depression.I ended up having to learn how to walk again, and for 3 years I was reliant on my wheelchair, and a mobility scooter.I got diabetes as my pancreas failed when my heart did.I think the only reason I survived was because of a number of things, firstly some nuns prayed for me they were in visiting the nun who was in the next bed to me and because prior to becoming pregnant with Alex I had always had hobbies that kept me active.I was physically very fit, and lived active life.
I don't often talk about when i was sick,but it was the worse experience of my life, I was so scared,I had waited so long to have a little baby,a brother for Emma and I risked leaving them both.
Unfortunately the stress of caring for me, and how I had changed since my illness my marriage got neglected and failed..Whereas I accept my role in the failure of it,I do find it hard to accept that I was not supported when it came to the in sickness and health part of my marriage.Unfortunately divorce happens frequently when the wife gets sick, and it does put a strain on mariages. II can only dream now of the life I used to have ,when I worked and meant something in society,that is why when I am settled in my new living place I am going to try to volunteer as I think I need to mean something to people other than being  a mum.
Since the serious illness I have started to inject insulin and take tablets for my diabetes, my cholesterol, and my blood pressure.In all I take ten tablets a day and do 4 injections.This is something I struggle mentally with each day.The thing with my heart condition, it is like a ticking time bomb,I could remain as I am or one day my hear would suddenly fail.It is the part oof the heart that pums the blood around the heart (the muscle)that is now weakened.That is why I am constantly tired, and being anaemic doesnt help my energy levels.It is the one thing I wish I still had, the stamina and energy..
I am also on the menopause, I have hot flushes,panic attacks, and dreadful depression all to do with my hormones,it is like being a teenager again, as I feel even more insecure and have the weird mood swings.
I have digital hearing aids, they are tiny,and very light, but I love how I can now hear better,and my tinnitus is no existant with the aids in.
I have eye droops, for the glaucoma, I have to put in drops every night, and they are the last thing I do.I also have drops as my eyes are ver dry,I am short sighted.

we are going to be moving house!

My landlord has given us notice to quit,as he wants his son to move in.So we will be moving mid July,not sure where to,yet,but probably in the same locality,fingers crossed.
I am busy packing,and making some baby clothes when not,and looking for somewhere to move to.
I have made some baby blankets and hats,some cardigans..all for a dear friend whose  daughter is expecting a baby girl very soon.I am finding I relax when I am being creative and I simply cant just stop ,not a day goes y when I am not making something.It is helping with the stress.
My mum has  been very sick(she has cancer)and has just been recovering from a major operation to remove most of it.But she is recovering well, and I am hoping to see her back at her home, soon.My dad has installed a stair lift in preparation for her return.It has been a simply dreadful time, this year has gone from bad to worse,  so lets hope that my new home will mean a new start and better luck for us all.
Alex my son leaves school in 4 weeks time, so we will send the summer in our new home and him learning independent travel.He is quite looking forward to starting college where he will be doing life skills and maths,English and IT.Looks like this year is going to be a year of new beginnings..
I have been diagnosed with glaucoma, so I have stopped stitching until I get my new specs, and find out if my eye drops are working to halt the damage that has been done.I go to the hospital next week to see the eye doctor.Living where I do,I suppose I  am fairly lucky to have access to good,free treatment.
My diabetes is not behaving itself,due to the stress I have been under,I am having high blood sugars and then some low ones.I really don't know what to do, other than drink water and take a walk, I have been having some blurred vision which is pretty weird to cope with as I am feeling like I am dizzy as  cant see right,and have been getting lots of headaches.
On a good note,I went to see my cardiologist last week at Papworth hospital, and they are pleased that I seem to have stayed the same, but he did remark my blood pressure is up, so I am on more pills for that, but I think a side effect is lower blood sugars ,tomorrow I am due back  at the docs to see if the new meds work.Unfortunately when I am under a great deal of stress I do tend to comfort eat the wrong kind of foods,which I know is totally wrong of me.I don't help myself.
I am trying to get more organised and less cluttered,I think our new home will not have so much in it,I am going to get rid of a lot of things before we move,today I packed a few boxes, and have packed a lot of my craft room up,I am so going to miss not having a room where I can do my crafting,but this place is too big for just the two of us,and i have been struggling with my garden and gardening.  
Next week sees my dear son and daughter going on holiday with their dad and floozy ,I must admit I wish I was spending some time away with them both, I resent that that woman has  got to spend time with my kids.
More and more I am accepting my now single life, and am just getting on with  things.If cupid strikes it arrow then so be it,I just am not going looking purposely for love.Talking of love,we went to my cousins wedding a few weeks ago.It was a lovely day, we enjoyed seeing the kids godmother get married to her fella, they have gone off to honeymoon in Cuba.. oh how nice that sounds.I imagine after all the stress of the wedding they need to chill out and relax.I didn't get a honeymoon, I suppose I should have seen it as a sign of things to come!l I have a feeling my daughter Emma will be next! to get married...
Until next time, thanks for dropping by the blog and please leave a comment.
heather and scott

alex at the wedding,doesnt he look smart and happy!

Cutting the cake

Emma and Mike at the wedding.