Wednesday, 21 May 2014

about me...

When I had Alex,my son 16 years ago, I was 37.. I ended up getting seriously ill.I caught a virus..A coxshantie virus, which gave me an enlarged heart and post partum cardiomyopathy.This happened through having a caesariun, and after having pre eclampsia...
I almost died,as only 20% of my heart was working.Thankfully I responded positively to the medication, and antibiotics, which was given intravenously to me through a drip,something which has wiped out my immune system.I was in hospital from April until the end of July and only saw my dear little baby son for an hour a day when I was just about well enough to be coping with seeing him. Consequentially I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress,and depression.I ended up having to learn how to walk again, and for 3 years I was reliant on my wheelchair, and a mobility scooter.I got diabetes as my pancreas failed when my heart did.I think the only reason I survived was because of a number of things, firstly some nuns prayed for me they were in visiting the nun who was in the next bed to me and because prior to becoming pregnant with Alex I had always had hobbies that kept me active.I was physically very fit, and lived active life.
I don't often talk about when i was sick,but it was the worse experience of my life, I was so scared,I had waited so long to have a little baby,a brother for Emma and I risked leaving them both.
Unfortunately the stress of caring for me, and how I had changed since my illness my marriage got neglected and failed..Whereas I accept my role in the failure of it,I do find it hard to accept that I was not supported when it came to the in sickness and health part of my marriage.Unfortunately divorce happens frequently when the wife gets sick, and it does put a strain on mariages. II can only dream now of the life I used to have ,when I worked and meant something in society,that is why when I am settled in my new living place I am going to try to volunteer as I think I need to mean something to people other than being  a mum.
Since the serious illness I have started to inject insulin and take tablets for my diabetes, my cholesterol, and my blood pressure.In all I take ten tablets a day and do 4 injections.This is something I struggle mentally with each day.The thing with my heart condition, it is like a ticking time bomb,I could remain as I am or one day my hear would suddenly fail.It is the part oof the heart that pums the blood around the heart (the muscle)that is now weakened.That is why I am constantly tired, and being anaemic doesnt help my energy levels.It is the one thing I wish I still had, the stamina and energy..
I am also on the menopause, I have hot flushes,panic attacks, and dreadful depression all to do with my hormones,it is like being a teenager again, as I feel even more insecure and have the weird mood swings.
I have digital hearing aids, they are tiny,and very light, but I love how I can now hear better,and my tinnitus is no existant with the aids in.
I have eye droops, for the glaucoma, I have to put in drops every night, and they are the last thing I do.I also have drops as my eyes are ver dry,I am short sighted.
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