Tuesday, 28 May 2013

Day 27, Monday: A letter to your readers
dear readers
do I have any?is there anyone following my blog?
I am enjoying the blog every day in May challenge are you enjoying reading about it.
I consider myself a  tolerant person but today has been just hard.
My son has gone to spend a week on holiday with his dad and his dads woman friend. that he lives with.
Yes thats right.. I had to wave goodbye to my lovely boy knowing he would be spending the week with the bitch with the loose knickers, the steal-er of other women s husbands and the woman who my son hates because she stole his dad away from him(his words) and he hates her.
Now it has been a few years since we divorced but it still hurts to see him with someone else, sat in the car where I should be sat and spending time with my little fella.
I am not too proud to say I waved him off then went inside and cried, and I mean howled until I felt sick to my stomach.It doesn't seem to get any easier, and knowing alex would rather spend time with me just plain hurts.
But I have to remind myself we split for a reason, and how awful life was when he was dividing his time between the two of us.
poor son is caught in the middle trying to please both of us, and me wondering just how is it I can be replaced so easily.It didnt help when ex hubby rang and he has been talking to him about me and taken something completely out the context it was said.
 I felt like saying look I hate you as you ruined my life so don't try to talk to me.
Sigh and now I am worrying that son will be stressing out about everything he says.
Its too much pressure to put on a boy, specially one with special needs.
His aspergers side means he takes everything literally so that is a joy to live with (not).
Anyway my son has his friend to keep him company and i am missing him.a lot.
Mind you I managed to clean the house today, cut the grass and start on more of the  bobble blanket,,the repetitive stitch is the only thing to keep me sane and not scream with how awful I am feeling right now yet trying to present a normal front to the world.
Anyway a loaf of granary bread is cooking in the bread maker and tomorrow I shall be off to spend some time with my sister in the hope that if I  keep busy I shan't constantly worry what is going on and harp back to thinking that my whole life has been stolen by that cow, she has my hubby, my kids and i have nothing left of my old life.
Got to look forward readers, I really must and no looking back. I have to take today as just a bad day and draw a line under it, cos otherwise I will hit another downward spiral of emotions and then I shall struggle to get out of it.I have my dear cat to keep my company and so it has to be goodnight,

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